I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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