I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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