I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
