I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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