I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
pray to the hookup gods
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
that is very illegal...i love you.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
