I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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