i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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