I'm passing your future prison.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
