its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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