I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
