o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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