can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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