I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
