You made me cry and you don't even care
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
