He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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