I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
