Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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