Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
