If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My bed smells like the plague
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
