She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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