I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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