He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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