What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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