none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
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He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
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You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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