dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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