just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
