can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
