You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
