They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
