Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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