I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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