So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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