We're facebook friends in real life
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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