week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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