R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
