Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
