If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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