You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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