I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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