He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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