You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She bit a glass in half.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
