Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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