i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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