I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
