I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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