HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Randomize
