This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
