i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
