Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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