I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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