I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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