No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hippo gnu deer
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Randomize
