i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
