You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
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I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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