I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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