Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
