I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You ate ashes out of my bong
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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