Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so let's talk penis.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
