i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
