All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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