I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
