last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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