We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
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Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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