I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
