I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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