it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
