let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
